The Younger Guy

My good friend E recently started dating a guy who we unceremoniously dubbed “the boy toy” – emphasis on “boy”. By the time she had drunkenly left the club and arrived at his apartment, it was a little too late to ask, and yet she did. But even the seven shots of vodka couldn’t dull the shock of his being only twenty-one.

Oh what’s a couple of years, you ask? The thing is, forty-five and forty-one, or even thirty-five and thirty-one, is a long long ways from twenty-five and twenty-one -- especially, or should I say specifically, if it’s the woman that’s on top.

Although “boy toy” is every bit a man by conventional standards – with a steady career, his own place, and a sense of responsibility well beyond his years (which is more than can be said for most 21-year-olds), there’s a peculiar innocence about him – a bit of naivety, a bit of awkwardness, and all the charming qualities that in the end, make him really just a boy.

So what is it that we as women, find attractive in these younger guys? Is it the power trip? The puppy love? For you Samantha Jones’ -- the stamina? Is it the same novelty as the teacher crush or the “Stacy’s mom” syndrome? The slight awe and blind adoration? Is it the attention factor? Or maybe some of us just need a little ego-boost and prove that “we still have what it takes.”

Many women are dying to exercise their nurturing qualities. Or perhaps they just want to feel needed. Some would go as far as to say it’s a control thing – there’s nothing quite as empowering as a man who truly appreciates a woman’s advice and “words of wisdom” – and follows it. And those who thrive on the idea of the “project boyfriend” can earn the fulfilling task of helping a boy transition into manhood.

The simplicity sure doesn’t hurt. Younger guys seem to provide excessive attention -- the frequent calls and texts, the daily check-ins, and an attentiveness that's not hard to get used to. E, who needs constant reassurance, finds herself so much more secure in her relationship with “boy toy” than her past flakey boyfriends. Although the immediate adoration initially caused her to toy with him, she soon learned to appreciate his sincerity. There are no ulterior motives or hidden meanings -- when he says he loves her it’s because he really does. And it’s all such a refreshing change from the games of “men.”

For me personally, the younger guy takes me back a few years. It’s the chance to be a girl again. I can giggle and blush and be just a little bit infatuated. I can have a silly crush and temporarily forget the unsympathetic reality of my adult relationships. I know that when he calls it’ll be a light-hearted and stress-free chat. It’s fewer talks of work and retirement plans and more talks of bowling and ice cream. And when he tries to be a man, when he talks of growing up, it’s so unbelievably endearing, that I can’t help but smile a little bit and offer him the encouragement that he seeks.

The older woman/younger man relationship is not necessarily a one-way street -- it can actually be quite healthy. In return for their appreciativeness, we just may learn to appreciate them more as well. The little things, the normal things, are magnified – when he takes care of the check or opens our door or hands us his coat when it’s chilly -- it’s just that much more meaningful because it’s so much less practiced and so much more sincere.

Whatever it is, the older man can certainly learn a thing or two from the younger guys. Or maybe we just need to get the novelty out of our systems while we still can. After all -- I doubt there will be enough Smith Jerrods to go around when we’re fifty.